Personal Victories, Past, Present, and Dreams

Newport Beach, CA the water I miss

I woke up early this morning from an amazing dream. Due to disability, I have not been able to swim or surf in the ocean in many years. It has been over a decade since I have been in the ocean. I plan to join a disabled surfers group in the near future to get back out there. But in the mean time, I occasionally have amazingly detailed dreams about the ocean, and woke this morning from one. It was beautiful, and I only hope my words do it justice:

 It was sunrise and I was walking on a beach from my childhood. Above and to the right the sandy cliffs rose high above our heads, below and to the left the ocean was starting to come into view as the waves lapped at the shore, and the sun started to bring a soft twilight view of the water. Salt and cold spray clung to my skin as I walked along talking with a dear friend, Regina about growing up in close proximity to the beach. Sand softly pushed through my toes with every step as I walked on the slightly firm, slightly soft area that was damp but not under water.  A light in the distance told us another friend, Antonia was walking the long way around to this private, secluded area which required a long hike down a cliff or the luck of the tides and a long walk. Either way, this beach is frequently in my dreams even tho in real life I can not physically get there. It is beautiful.

Sunrise Yoga

Soon the rays of the sun bathed the beach and us in a radiant sunrise (despite the fact that the sun actually sets in the west not rises) and the sand looked yellowish brown like toasty polenta. I knelt where the waves were lightly lapping at me and told my friends stories about being a child and lifting hands full of wet sand to fall around me back into the ocean. Probably a memory of the first time my mother told me it's not nice to throw sand. Antonia knelt and joined me in grabbing hand fulls of sand as the light shifted colors and brightened and the sand and water colors shifted in response. I basked in the experience joyfully letting wet sand fall around us. We were filthy but filled with joy. I fell back into the water and let it push me around gently and lap over me. Being a dream it was just nicely cool, not freezing as it would be in reality this time of year. It felt like a summer day, and as the sun rose and others started arriving to enjoy the beach I was beaming with joy and woke feeling love, strength and human dignity.

 In the dream I also told Regina about something that happened in reality. I think in many ways, dreams can help us heal from and process our lives. I have been missing the beach, missing my friends who live in CA, and was emotionally really torn and exhausted from a hard day.

Rainbow YES pin and rainbow ribbon

Yesterday, February 26, 2013, I went and stood in line then went through a security area where I was made to wait for 6 journalists to enter before me while I stood in pain, then made to walk through a metal detector where I  had to take off my belt and anything metal and then be scanned by a wand because who knows what set off the detector, maybe a metal button on my jeans, and then walked around the Orpheum theatre including a long trip down the aisle to the microphone to speak, and then back up afterwards. All without my wheelchair, PHEW! I, with what I guess was hundreds of other residents of Phoenix, AZ was there to speak to our representatives about changes to the Human Relations anti-discrimination ordinance which would include people with disabilities and people from the LGBTQIA rainbow. Specifically the language included gender identity and expression, which was 22 years in coming, and I am grateful for so many people showing up to speak their minds. Personally, it was one of the most physically and emotionally draining things I have done in a while.

We had left my wheelchair at home, not realizing there would be a long line since we arrived an hour early, nor did we realize how huge an area we would need to navigate. And although I have done this sort of thing before, and had to listen to the bile and hatred expressed by some who would use their religious beliefs to try and define other people's human rights and protections and try to strip us of human dignity, it is never easy. There were so many on both sides of the issue that it was a challenge even for someone like myself who has decades of experience standing up for human rights. One friend had people clap loudly in his ears at anything against the changes to the ordinance and kick his chair.We had annoying people near us, but nothing as bad as what he dealt with, and were fortunate to sit with people who support us in being who we are.  And it's always shocking and hurtful to us how people who call themselves Christians seem to forget the whole country is NOT made up of ONLY their religion. Patch reminded me to point out that we are not nor should we be here to discuss religion, but human rights and protections under the law. Not all of us identify as religious, or Christian why should SOME people's religion dictate ALL people's lives. I did not mention that in my speech tho.

It was a huge personal victory for me simply to not use my wheelchair and only a walking stick at this event, even tho I had to stop and sit and rest several times along the way. My diabetes acted up also because it had been so long since I ate. So many people testified and they let everyone have a minute (some people went over slightly) so I'm told there were 5 hours of testimony.

I spoke several hours after arriving. And I had eaten an hour before arriving. By the time I spoke, I was shaking and had a severe headache and my face was a bit numb on the right side, which sometimes happens when I have migraines. It wasn't nerves by the way, although I was nervous and emotional, it was a blood sugar crash. Fuzzy headed and emotional from hearing hours of testimony, plus with 1/2 the time usually allotted, I only hit 2 of my 5 points, but I am told I was well spoken, and I was glad to hear it. I shared from the heart and shared 2 personal experiences of discrimination based on gender, perceived sexual orientation, and disability. I could have shared so much more, but I was tired and felt drained before even trying to walk down that aisle and stand in front of that microphone.

The walk back up felt victorious but strenuous. Like a huge hike up a mountain even tho it was just a sloped aisle. I am grateful for everyone who spoke, and that they gave us ALL the opportunity to be heard. Afterwards, Patch took me out to dinner. I downed some sugar, gave and got some hugs, and headed out to dinner where we spent a wonderful time reviving our bodies with delicious healthy foods. Then we went home and I took my medicine and lay down with the animals and Carlie in the dark for an hour to recoup. Still exhausted, I went to bed and slept from 9PM to 3AM. I'll go back to sleep in a bit for another few hours, but I wanted to write down what the dream and the real life experience were both like for me, because both were powerful.

I know this is a very different topic than I usually cover on this blog, but I felt it was important that both be shared as they are, quite simply, both personal victories that define who I am. What do you dream and what do you experience that go into the whole of your human existence and feel like core pieces that simply can't be left out of the whole? For me both the dream of the beach and the experience speaking about discrimination I have experienced represent love and human dignity.

Early Morning Joy on Hearing We Won

I am proud of who I am, and how far I have come. And I dream of a future when people do not have to fight for basic rights and protections, but simply are themselves, and free to be. No matter how you feel about such things, I have and will continue to stand (or sit as needed) for your right to free speech and equal accommodations and protections under the law. I didn't ask for any special rights tonight, just for the basic equal rights I was raised to believe all humans should already be afforded in this world. I'm glad today Phoenix took this small and much needed step. And I am grateful for the healing of my beach dream, and the knowledge that there are ways for me to experience the ocean once again through disAbled activity groups. So some day soon, I will get back into the water just as today I faced and tackled some major obstacles physically and legally. May you have love, and thrive in your life wherever and whomever you are.

Starting Small is a Big Thing

Tiny Sad Face Statue (part of a larger piece)

This week I was feeling stressed as my health was not tip top.  I know that it is only a temporary downward trend and that I will continue to get better over time. However, I found myself worrying about many things. I started to feel a bit frustrated with myself and my recent planning about a future tiny home/mobile gallery. A couple of times I reminded myself about my personal commitments that I made last week, and a recent addition of eliminating beef from my diet. I have been doing pretty good, and it has forced me to be more mindful of what I eat. In my case what I eat is a big part of becoming more healthy.

Sometimes this week I have seriously wondered, is having a tiny home really simplifying my life if my whole family doesn't agree to the prospect? I won't go into that in more depth here. I don't see any point in worrying about the future when so much is unsure. No decisions have been or need to be made right now about any of that. For now, my personal commitments are about things I can change in THIS present moment. Not a year down the road, not a decade from now, but right now.

Tiny Clay Statue of Rock Pile

One of the commitments I made to myself last week was that I would blog here every Sunday.  I almost forgot today, but thinking about how I can simplify my life right now brought it back to mind, so here I am. Sunday is the day I take off from filling orders for Peace Full Creations, my home business in the making. So I like to do things on Sunday with Carlie, the animals, and still be creative but in more light hearted fun ways. After making some tiny statues out of a clay I can bake in the oven, I decided to make some time to read You Can Buy Happiness and It's Cheap by Tammy Strobel and then write in this blog while watching frivolous TV shows through the internet in an effort to decide if we are willing as a family to get rid of cable. Later I will take time in my hammock to read the last of the books my Aunt sent me (she sent me the whole Game of Thrones series) and then I will be choosing 6 things to give away since I recently acquired 3 new things. Which leads me to what I have been reading this afternoon, Tammy's book.

Meditation  Rock Monster

I have been reading this book in small chunks as I am trying to not just take it in intellectually, but to apply what I get out of it to my life. The current chapter I'm reading has so many gems in it, that I have only been reading one section of the chapter at a time. Today I read the part of chapter 5 which included Project 333. I have been considering taking this challenge on as I read about it elsewhere, and it seems like a good step in my journey as I simplify my life and reduce my possessions to a level where I feel I am not living in excess. I do think taking on Project 333 and simplifying what I wear down to 33 items for 3 months is a good next step. http://theproject333.com/ for me, it's all about taking things one step at a time. I believe that I would love living in a tiny home, but right now I am not. And worrying about how to do this or that for my tiny home is less productive than learning to live small where I am.

One thing I am making time for today is reading this article: http://thinksimplenow.com/clarity/life-lessons-from-buddha/ about 10 simple lessons from Buddha, and one in particular seems very appropriate at this moment:

"Its Okay to Start Small

“A jug fills drop by drop.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every artist was once an amateur.”

We all start small, do not despise small beginnings. If you’re consistent, and if you’re patient, you will succeed! No one succeeds over night; success belongs to those who are willing to start small and patiently work until their jug is filled."

A Tiny Love Story (in process)

Thank you for the reminder Mr Self Development! I will focus on each tiny step. And in the spirit of starting small and simple, I posted some photos all through this blog entry of some tiny art which I made today as part of my fun time with clay. Because it's important to let my inner artist out on a regular basis with no limits, just fun creativity. Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my week of bare simplicity, and the snapshots of today's tiny art. I really had fun making it. I am looking forward to seeing what comes of the various tiny pieces when I make tiny installation pieces out of them.

Finding my Joy, Simplifying my Life

Micro Action Happiness Brain Storm

For the last  several years I have put extra emphasis on my health,  and for the last year I have  had  the goal in  mind that I would  be more independent and self  sustaining. One way in which I have been doing this is learning to cook healthy foods, and more recently to garden. I'm getting pretty good with my composting and recently moved into Aquaponics and now worm farming. Also, I taught myself to knit on looms, and started making all sorts of knit Peace Full Creations along with my paintings, tiny sculptures, and the like. My art brings me joy.

In recent reading I took a couple micro actions proposed by Tammy Strobel in her book "You Can Buy Happiness and it's Cheaper than You Think."

Detail of Happiness Brain Storm/Rough Sketches

First she asked how I define happiness and that resulted in a brain storming session and some rough sketching of tiny home plans. as  you can see above and to the right.  During my brain storm session I broke it down into several main areas that bring me joy:
- Being as Healthy As Possible (Eating Healthy, Exercise, DeStress)
- Being Creative (Photography, Painting, Sculpture, Knitting, Cooking, Gardening, Trying New Things)
- Community (Friends, Family, Knitting it Forward, Animals/Fur Family, Workshops)
- Living Within My Means (Sustainability, Not over committing, not creating debt, learning useful skills)
- Time For Myself (Hammock Time, Reading, Meditation, Manifestation Journaling)
- Travel (Getting Out of the House, Seeing New Places/ Things, Meeting People)

Side and Top View Sketches

In some ways I am already doing these things such as focusing on my health, family, and becoming self sustaining, and then there are others I have been neglecting such as travel. All in all, the brain storm session was very empowering and I recommend anyone try it. I also noticed that every time I sketch a tiny home, my vision of my Tiny Home/Gallery/Art Studio/Community Center/Camera Obscura aka ObscurAbode becomes more clear and I feel that much closer to my dream.

Another micro action I completed recently was to write down how I can simplify my life. At first  it seemed a lot like my previous  brain storm, and  things I'm already working on like be healthy, spend time with loved ones, but then I started getting down to some specifics and things started falling into place:

ObscurAbode Sketch 03 Layout Plans

- Organize my stuff (Bedroom, Loom Knitting Supplies, Art, Books)
- Get my Peace Full Creations in order
- Clarify/Organize my Calendar (Simplify Schedule for Knitting Groups, Specific work days/times, One day off with Patch, one day off with Carlie, Specific morning routine)
- Plan trip to CA
- Make a specific tiny home plan (Finances, Supplies, Time Frame, IndieGogo or Kickstart Plan, etc.)

I got started on each of these to some extent. The loom and knitting supplies are better organized, Carlie and I decided that the profit from Peace Full Creations will go to the Tiny Home Fund, I decided which days/times will be work and which aren't, worked on my calendar, and worked on another more specific floor plan for ObscurAbode (Sketch 03, above left) so it already feels like I am heading towards my goals. More work is needed, but things are really coming together!

Induction Stovetop Has Arrived

I have been dreaming of a tiny home for years, and more recently began planning how that could become a reality when they sent me a kitty in a box! That's one of my kittens of course, Squeakers aka the Princess.  She seems to believe they shipped the boxes merely for her enjoyment.

Of course it was actually a box of Nuwave induction stoves and the free items which came with it. Included in the box were 2 NuWave Induction Cooktops, an induction cookbook/instruction manual, 2 nonstick metal pans, 1 multi-piece cookware which can be used in a variety of ways including as a steamer, and 1 cast iron skillet. Basically, my tiny home's kitchen in a box! Or at least, the items in the box set me in the right direction.Eventually I will also get a Blendtec blender and an induction oven.

So this weekend was exciting when planning turned into doing as our first small piece of our tiny home arrived. Although two actually came together because it was a buy one get one free deal, I will probably only be using one in my tiny home/galllery. Normally I would simply buy one if I only need one, but in this case Carlie and I decided to buy one that we are using now and one which we have set aside for my tiny home. It is exciting and I feel like the dream is finally becoming a reality even tho it is only one small piece of the puzzle.

We spent most of the weekend at the annual Front Yard Art Bazaar that Laurie Provost puts on, but tonight Carlie cooked up some of the veggies we got at Market on the Move and some sausage we needed to use up on one of the induction stove tops. She loved it, and especially enjoyed showing me how much less heat is wasted in using it, and how much safer it is to cook on. I will try using it this week myself.

I had set today aside to rest up after the busy weekend, so I finished reading the 2nd chapter of Tammy's book about simplifying. I am working through some of the micro actions, and will write about those in a future blog post, so stay tuned!

My first Aquaponics System - part 2

Our first spinach came in on it's 4th day in the tank!!!

Seems like it's too soon to do an update on our AP system since it's still technically within a week of starting it, but since we had to spread out when we bought various parts and we only work on it when it's cool out, it's taken us about a week to build it. This is Phoenix, AZ it still reaches triple digits some days in October. It's also really exciting right now, because our plants are sprouting up as you can see to the left here with our first tiny spinach sprouting up.

So part 2 is mostly about us finishing the building process of a simple and somewhat theoretical AP System I had in mind, which is to use the floating raft technique but with an IBC container type system. I don't know how well this system will hold up and to how many fish, but we will see. I planned to cycle the system for about a week with just plants before putting fish in it, so we do not yet have our catfish, but that's OK because it is giving me time to call around town and see who has the best price on catfish, or decide if I should buy them online and pay for shipping.

6 inch air stone disk under the large raft

So what did we do to since my last post? Bought and added water conditioner, sea weed, a working thermometer, 1 six inch and 1 5 inch flat disk shaped air rock for under the rafts, 25 feet of black air hose and a 2 outlet air pump meant for a smaller tank which will eventually be moved indoors to our 60 gallon tank, 2 gadgets to prevent water flowing backward into the air pump since it's slightly lower than water height, some fish pond water conditioner, and some sea weed to start cycling the system. Carlie found another extension cord and a lamp/appliance timer we had laying around the house.

I also bought a book called The Wonder of Aquaponics on my Nook for just over $4 http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-wonder-of-aquaponics-rosemarie-r-mosquera/1106244133?ean=2940013330429 Whereas the book I mentioned in my previous post was more expensive than I could afford at this time, around $20, but after I get my next check I'll probably pick that up too later. Or maybe I'll stop in at the local library and check it out... I just feel that having it on my Nook is better because then I have it whenever I need to look something up. The $4 is a good introductory book and the other one is more in depth.

We moved a table over near the tank and plugged the air pump into the new extension cord which reached over there easily. Some day I still plan to make the whole system run off solar, but for now we're running it off the power in our house. The Air pumps we have running 24/7. You can see the larger air stone in this photo. I would have liked to buy 2 this size, but the store only had one so the other is a bit smaller. They are aerating the water right under the plants, and the bubbles are moving air right up to the plants which I was advised is important for raft systems like mine.

moved the hose up out of the water to prevent backflow

We'd like to put the water pump on a timer so that it's not running constantly all day long in order to use a bit less electricity. But the hose was previously down under the water because I wasn't sure how strong the pressure would be and I didn't want it just sparying everywhere. What I didn't realize, is that when the pump is off, the water follows gravity and flows back down the house. Yes, that makes sense of course, just hadn't thought about it.

So yesterday I unplugged the pump which is pumping water from the lower tank and moved the hose so that it is no longer under the water, but is pumping the water out into the air which then lands in the tank creating a small amount of aeration, and making it so that no water will flow backwards into the lower tank when the pump is off, allowing me to (theoretically) turn that pump off periodically and save some electricity. I waited to see how well this worked out, and even with the slight drip we have coming from the middle of the top tank, the water in the top tank was only an inch or two lower which means that it's just sitting there for a time, and not circulating, but the air bubbles up there are still moving the water around, so it's not likely to go stagnant just briefly.

Air Pump is working!

We waited to see how long it would stay that way and the answer apparently was indefinitely because the drip from the middle of the top tank slowed and eventually stopped when the water level in the top went down almost 2 inches. So I set the timer to run for 30 minutes every hour and a half, plugged the timer into the extension cord and it instantly turned off. It happened to be during a time that the timer was set to be off, so I thought nothing of it, but this morning when I went out to check on things the air pump was going strong but the water pump was still off. I checked and it was during a time that the timer said the pump should be working, but I had a sneaking suspicion it was human failure, not gadget failure. And yes indeed, I had forgotten to set the timer to timer, it was still on the off position. So to test it I turned it to the on position, the pump started, and turned it to off and the pump stopped. Reset it to timer now, so hopefully it will start being  a bit more automated, and over time we'll see if it's cycling the water well enough.

Rainbow Chardling (just one tiny leaf)

Finally, I tore up some seaweed and put it in the top tank to dissolve. Yes, we have no fish yet, it's not meant to be fish food, it is meant to start cycling the fish tank so beneficial bacteria will grow and allow the plants to clean the ammonia and such the fish put off out of the water so that when the water pump I spent time tinkering with will pump the ammonia tainted water from the fish tank up into the plant bed and then the water will get cleaned by the plants and gravity will eventually take the water back out the drain holes and over into the fish tank further aerating the water for the fish below. If I do end up keeping feeder fish up in the top tank, I can feed them sea weed up there and whatever bits they don't eat will dissolve and become extra nourishment for the plants. Speaking of plants, Carlie noticed that we had another new plant yesterday, Check it out, our first rainbow chard is sprouting! This morning I went back out there and the sea weed was starting to dissolve so I broke it up a bit more with my fingers, and I discovered that we already had a second Rainbow Chard Sprout just 1 day later.

Realized the water in the lower tank was about 76 degrees at 9:30 AM today. I'm going to keep an eye on the temperatures at different times of day and night compared to the outside temperature, and decide if I'm going to need to build a small green house and/or add a heating element this winter. Hopefully not since catfish are said to be hardy through a more varying temperature, but if all else fails I could always bring the bulk of the fish indoors for the winter since winter in Phoenix is so short. This reminds me, I think I'll get a book for logging temperature, and various things that change with the system so I can look back over time and see what happens. It's like a home science kit, and I'm having fun tinkering with it.

At this point I plan for some blue channel catfish to live in the lower tank because they tend to do fine with temperature changes to the water, and eventually we plan to add some Tilapia down there too once our brief winter is over and the temperatures are stable at a warm enough temp for Tilapia to be healthy. I'm also going to put some prawns in there to help keep the tank clean. I've considered raising feeder fish for the Catfish up in the top tank, but haven't put this into motion yet obviously. I am going to buy some goldfish today or tomorrow and get them set up there to try it out and continue cycling the system, then when the catfish are big enough some of the goldfish who live through the initial trials could be put in the lower tank as feeder fish.

Once it's all built and regulated I suspect I'll spend a lot less time on it. If the book I'm reading is right the only things I'll need to do at that point is spend a couple minutes a day feeding fish, possibly dealing with bugs now and then, and occasionally checking the water's PH. Some people I know who do Aquaponics farming on a small backyard scale, do not check PH, they go by the way the water looks and the fish act. I'm still debating between methods. If I find a cheap water testing kit maybe I'll go that route, but the ones I've seen are pretty expensive, and I'm trying to keep the cost down. Speaking of costs, I think that getting an above ground pool off craigslist is probably the best bet for an easy, off the shelf, low cost system and allows more space for raising fish AND growing plants. I just didn't have a space in my backyard that was big enough which we were willing to give up to a whole pool for Aquaponics. But I see them on craigslist periodically and all people want is someone willing to move the thing out of their yard. Free pool plus the cost of gas is a GOOD price to start an aquaponics system. Maybe some day I'll go that route if we decide we want to expand. For now, we're happy tinkering with our IBC unit.

Found out there will be a big Halloween shindig at the GardenPool.org and talked to Carlie about it. We'll be signing up for that. The cost is 5 cans of food each which will go to those who need it more than us, and in exchange we'll get to learn about Black Soldier Fly colonies (for fish that feed off the top) and raising duckweed plus have the opportunity to pick up a black soldier fly colony starter kit and some starter duckweed which I'm hoping will grow on the top of the lower tank providing some cover/shade/hiding spots for the catfish, as well as food for the tilapia. Also from what I've heard the Tilapia will teach the catfish to move up to the top and eat so they may end up eating the duckweed as well since they're a fish that eats both creatures and plants.

Next steps for us:
Get some goldfish to test the system and eventually to be feeder fish for the catfish
Get red wiggler worms (to eat excess produce, use their poop in our traditional gardening, and feed some to the catfsih now and then)
Set up a worm tower to replace or supplement our current composter
Set up indoor Aquaponics system and start fishless cycling
Visit the local feed store and see if they have fish food that would be appropriate for the catfish
Get catfish fry
Get tilapia fry
Get Duckweed started

The beautiful simplicity of phi

Watch "What Phi (the golden ratio) Sounds Like" on YouTube