We are All Allies in Training

A speech given by Sean-Michael Gettys at Caesar Chavez Plaza for Arizona's Celebration of the International Day of Trans* Visibility:

At "Genny's" Having Comfort Food After the SB1045 Hearing

This morning I woke from yet another restless night full of dreams about the people I love being strong, resilient human beings in the face of discrimination. And that is the nice way to put it. I also woke with some very specific words in mind, and I want to share those words with you here now. "We are All Allies in Training." Today as we stand here in Caesar Chavez Plaza, a space honoring migrant workers in the center of a city which does not, I ask you to listen with your hearts and minds wide open. To put aside any fear, misgivings or defensiveness you may feel, and to realize that we who speak to you today are somebody's sibling, child, spouse, loved one, coworker. We are human and fallible and in many ways, we are just like you.

Let's Have a FeFe! (After Casa Grande Equality March 2013)

I am a white, middle-aged man. I also am a person with multiple disabilities, most of them invisible, a human being who happens to be Trans* and I could go on. But as a white (or today pink) person, I am afforded privileges that my loved ones who are people of color do not always have. As a middle age person, I am often given privileges my friends and family who are youth do not have. As a person whose disabilities are in many ways invisible, I am sometimes given privileges my Deaf friends or people with disabilities do not have. As someone sometimes taken as straight/heterosexual, I am often given privileges my gay and lesbian friends do not have even though there's nothing straight about me.

With Casey from Wingspan at Casa Grande Pride

I have walked through this world and experienced some bits of the privilege which white, middle class men have in this world. I have also experienced very real discrimination for being perceived as a woman, a freak, a girl, a boy, Queer, Gay, a person with disabilities, a hippy, a liberal, Trans* or other less savory terms. Whether I personally identify with those labels or not, does not change the words, perception and actions of others. Both my experiences as  a person with privilege and my experiences as a person who is discriminated against have opened my eyes to the fact that I am an Ally in Training and I always will be.

As someone who is often asked to speak about being Trans, I strive to include people with other barriers whenever possible. I try to find sign language interpreters, or to sign my speech if I can, to mention Trans people of color and the multiple barriers they sometimes face, to mention populations in our society who are further marginalized such as sex workers or people living on the streets. There are many things I "try" to do to be an ally for others.

Fun with Friends and my Peace Full Creations (Knitting)

I also deal with many people who are allies to the Trans* Community on a regular basis, or those who want to be. It is a very real fear that I will say something that makes someone's life more painful, difficult or challenging than it already is in my fumbling attempts to be there for people I care about. I think it is fair to say, that we are ALL Allies in Training, even some of us who do not realize it yet. And as allies, one of the most difficult things to find is trust. Trust in ourselves and trust in others. We fear saying or doing the wrong thing, and sometimes we let it paralyze us and prevent us for being there for the people we care about. Sometimes we feel put down, attacked or "othered" by the very people we are trying to stand with.

I SINCERELY apologize if I ever make you feel less than or talked down to in my efforts to empower myself, I never want to dis-empower others. Sometimes my words may be unknown to you or confusing, and I welcome questions even if they are worded in ways that you fear may offend. Together we are stronger, and we need each other no matter who we are, or what barriers we face.

This has been a difficult month. When the Non Discrimination Ordinance was before the Phoenix Commission many of us heard hard stories from our community and some ignorant, some purely hateful words from those who would seek to prevent us from having the same basic safety and protection from discrimination that they walk through the world with on a daily basis. When many of our gay and lesbian friends celebrated, those of us who have been activists in the Trans* community for some time found ourselves torn. I can only speak for myself but I know that I felt a mixture of emotions. I was glad the Non Discrimination Ordinance passed, grateful that our allies had stood so strongly on our side and clearly insisted that Gender Identity and Expression be included so that ALL humans be protected, not just those who fit gender norms. At the same time, I was filled with a horrible sense of dread and not a little fear. I feared retaliation.

Nix, Claire & Friend at AZ House of Reps, Fighting 1432

Just as I began to work on that, we received word that Representative Kavanagh had created a bill criminalizing our very existence, and ANYONE who went into a restroom which had a label other than the sex on their birth certificate. With around 24 hours notice, and a wonderful synchronicity of events, we came together and beat that bill. Again, our allies stood with us in force. People we never knew were on our side stepped up and said no to SB 1432. And Kavanagh listened to his conservative constituents who said he was overreaching. He changed his words and instead used double speak to create a new bill, SB 1045.

AZ House of Representatives Appropriations Committee

Instead of criminalizing the actions of some, SB 1045, the #NoLoo4U bill, legalizes discrimination against anyone and everyone using a public restroom, locker room, or changing room. It also specifically states that it nullifies any ordinances that have already written such protections into law and prevents protections from ever being written in. It is an insidious law, because it uses words like "private" in order to confuse our allies who believe we should all have the right to privacy and to choose for ourselves how to act. Mr. Kavanagh believes discrimination should be legal, and that the proper response is just not to use businesses owned by bigoted people. I will not go on and on about the bill, you can learn more by talking to most people at today's International Day of Trans* Visibility event if you are in Arizona, or by going to the website paperstopee.org or by asking myself or others who are openly working to defeat the bill.

Lee, Momma Donna, at Rally day after SB1045 Hearing

What I do want to say, is thank you. Thank you to Lee Walters, Sherri Shimansky, and Alex Wagner for helping us create an impromptu community rally and information session where people could come together and ask whatever they wanted about the previous days' committee hearing and what it means for Arizona today. For a very heart felt apology given that night to the Trans* community for shushing us when we received the verdict and had to listen to Kavanagh's words of ignorance and bigotry. For those who literally held me up as my legs went out from under me unexpectedly when I sobbed hysterically at the news. I had thought I was prepared to hear that bill pass through Appropriations. We knew we probably had not won over the people we needed to.

Rev. Brad Wishon at AZ Trans* Day of Visibility

I also want to thank Brad Wishon of 1 Voice Community Center for his constant undying support and tireless work behind the scenes. Laurie Provost for her well thought out and worded speech at the House Appropriations committee and for standing up and saying the city of Phoenix does not want this. To thank Momma Donna and Casey for listening to me vent after Equality March in Casa Grande, and Kat Sinclair, Kat Crabtree and all the Kats I somehow collect in my life for helping me brainstorm and think logically when facing a bill which has reopened past traumas and brought back deep fears. Thank you to those whose name never gets mentioned, but who keep up the fight. To our partners, care givers, spouses, allies, coworkers, friends, neighbors and family.

A Symbol of True Equality Is Inclusive

To those who have asked what I need. I need a hug. I need more than one, every day. In fact humans who are hugged 10 times a day are much healthier physically, so I probably need a dozen hugs a day. I need to feel seen. Not invisible or erased. And as small a thing as it may seem to you, I need to see the words Transgender, Gender Non Conforming and Intersex used on a regular basis by people who are not living with those labels. I need to feel heard. Not just listened to, but truly heard and if that means you will ask me questions you think are crazy, ignorant, or what have you, please do so. I need to be empowered, not talked down to, or over, or even supported, but empowered. I need to be given the tools to DO SOMETHING to make this world a better place. And I want the concerns, thoughts and ideas of myself and all humans to be taken into serious consideration, not just those who are cisgender (i.e. not trans), straight, white, middle class men, and not just everyone but them. But I NEED to be heard so I thank you for this opportunity to speak.

Many of you have asked me what you can do about SB 1045. I do not have all the answers. But here are three things I would like every one here do, because we are ALL allies, not just those who are cisgender but also those of us who are allies to gender non conformists, people of color, the elderly, etc. I ask that you be honest, open, and kind. Please take the time to tell someone how you are doing and to ask how they are doing. Be honest about your own fears and the fact that you don't always know what you are doing. Be open to critique even if it is not always given in the kindest or most rational manner because even when things are poorly explained or shared, they hold a nugget of truth, and if we listen for that truth, we can grow and be better allies to each other. And be kind to yourself and others. We all are hurting in some way. Take time with and give care to yourself and others. Time to laugh, time to cry, time to scream and time to heal. We are in this together. And we need each other. Because we are *all* Allies in Training.

A Graphic Free For Use to Celebrate Trans* Day of Visibility and Show Solidarity with Arizona re the #NoLoo4U Bill

Life, Liberty, Happiness, Simplicity

Sean-Michael outside the AZ State Capitol 3-28-13

Recently I have neglected this blog. Normally I try to blog on Sundays for an hour, but this week I was frankly, too busy, too emotional, and too tired. Every day since, I have felt the need to blog but found myself unable to. It has been difficult to put into words what we are experiencing right now in Arizona. But this morning I woke up with some words in mind, and I have come to a place where I am ready to put those words down where others can read them, even tho it is painful. Please forgive me if this is a bit rambling, I just woke from yet another nightmare.


As you know, simplicity is something I have been trying to create in my life. Yet simply living my life has become very difficult recently due to the actions of others. I know not everyone who reads my blog will agree with me, but I certainly hope people will respect that this is very real, personal and VERY hurtful for me. If you disagree, please share those thoughts elsewhere, I hear enough of it every day and really will appreciate your not doing so in the comments section. If you have honest, respectful, thoughtful questions, ask.

Please read on after the break.

Possible "trigger warning"

Personal Victories, Past, Present, and Dreams

Newport Beach, CA the water I miss

I woke up early this morning from an amazing dream. Due to disability, I have not been able to swim or surf in the ocean in many years. It has been over a decade since I have been in the ocean. I plan to join a disabled surfers group in the near future to get back out there. But in the mean time, I occasionally have amazingly detailed dreams about the ocean, and woke this morning from one. It was beautiful, and I only hope my words do it justice:

 It was sunrise and I was walking on a beach from my childhood. Above and to the right the sandy cliffs rose high above our heads, below and to the left the ocean was starting to come into view as the waves lapped at the shore, and the sun started to bring a soft twilight view of the water. Salt and cold spray clung to my skin as I walked along talking with a dear friend, Regina about growing up in close proximity to the beach. Sand softly pushed through my toes with every step as I walked on the slightly firm, slightly soft area that was damp but not under water.  A light in the distance told us another friend, Antonia was walking the long way around to this private, secluded area which required a long hike down a cliff or the luck of the tides and a long walk. Either way, this beach is frequently in my dreams even tho in real life I can not physically get there. It is beautiful.

Sunrise Yoga

Soon the rays of the sun bathed the beach and us in a radiant sunrise (despite the fact that the sun actually sets in the west not rises) and the sand looked yellowish brown like toasty polenta. I knelt where the waves were lightly lapping at me and told my friends stories about being a child and lifting hands full of wet sand to fall around me back into the ocean. Probably a memory of the first time my mother told me it's not nice to throw sand. Antonia knelt and joined me in grabbing hand fulls of sand as the light shifted colors and brightened and the sand and water colors shifted in response. I basked in the experience joyfully letting wet sand fall around us. We were filthy but filled with joy. I fell back into the water and let it push me around gently and lap over me. Being a dream it was just nicely cool, not freezing as it would be in reality this time of year. It felt like a summer day, and as the sun rose and others started arriving to enjoy the beach I was beaming with joy and woke feeling love, strength and human dignity.

 In the dream I also told Regina about something that happened in reality. I think in many ways, dreams can help us heal from and process our lives. I have been missing the beach, missing my friends who live in CA, and was emotionally really torn and exhausted from a hard day.

Rainbow YES pin and rainbow ribbon

Yesterday, February 26, 2013, I went and stood in line then went through a security area where I was made to wait for 6 journalists to enter before me while I stood in pain, then made to walk through a metal detector where I  had to take off my belt and anything metal and then be scanned by a wand because who knows what set off the detector, maybe a metal button on my jeans, and then walked around the Orpheum theatre including a long trip down the aisle to the microphone to speak, and then back up afterwards. All without my wheelchair, PHEW! I, with what I guess was hundreds of other residents of Phoenix, AZ was there to speak to our representatives about changes to the Human Relations anti-discrimination ordinance which would include people with disabilities and people from the LGBTQIA rainbow. Specifically the language included gender identity and expression, which was 22 years in coming, and I am grateful for so many people showing up to speak their minds. Personally, it was one of the most physically and emotionally draining things I have done in a while.

We had left my wheelchair at home, not realizing there would be a long line since we arrived an hour early, nor did we realize how huge an area we would need to navigate. And although I have done this sort of thing before, and had to listen to the bile and hatred expressed by some who would use their religious beliefs to try and define other people's human rights and protections and try to strip us of human dignity, it is never easy. There were so many on both sides of the issue that it was a challenge even for someone like myself who has decades of experience standing up for human rights. One friend had people clap loudly in his ears at anything against the changes to the ordinance and kick his chair.We had annoying people near us, but nothing as bad as what he dealt with, and were fortunate to sit with people who support us in being who we are.  And it's always shocking and hurtful to us how people who call themselves Christians seem to forget the whole country is NOT made up of ONLY their religion. Patch reminded me to point out that we are not nor should we be here to discuss religion, but human rights and protections under the law. Not all of us identify as religious, or Christian why should SOME people's religion dictate ALL people's lives. I did not mention that in my speech tho.

It was a huge personal victory for me simply to not use my wheelchair and only a walking stick at this event, even tho I had to stop and sit and rest several times along the way. My diabetes acted up also because it had been so long since I ate. So many people testified and they let everyone have a minute (some people went over slightly) so I'm told there were 5 hours of testimony.

I spoke several hours after arriving. And I had eaten an hour before arriving. By the time I spoke, I was shaking and had a severe headache and my face was a bit numb on the right side, which sometimes happens when I have migraines. It wasn't nerves by the way, although I was nervous and emotional, it was a blood sugar crash. Fuzzy headed and emotional from hearing hours of testimony, plus with 1/2 the time usually allotted, I only hit 2 of my 5 points, but I am told I was well spoken, and I was glad to hear it. I shared from the heart and shared 2 personal experiences of discrimination based on gender, perceived sexual orientation, and disability. I could have shared so much more, but I was tired and felt drained before even trying to walk down that aisle and stand in front of that microphone.

The walk back up felt victorious but strenuous. Like a huge hike up a mountain even tho it was just a sloped aisle. I am grateful for everyone who spoke, and that they gave us ALL the opportunity to be heard. Afterwards, Patch took me out to dinner. I downed some sugar, gave and got some hugs, and headed out to dinner where we spent a wonderful time reviving our bodies with delicious healthy foods. Then we went home and I took my medicine and lay down with the animals and Carlie in the dark for an hour to recoup. Still exhausted, I went to bed and slept from 9PM to 3AM. I'll go back to sleep in a bit for another few hours, but I wanted to write down what the dream and the real life experience were both like for me, because both were powerful.

I know this is a very different topic than I usually cover on this blog, but I felt it was important that both be shared as they are, quite simply, both personal victories that define who I am. What do you dream and what do you experience that go into the whole of your human existence and feel like core pieces that simply can't be left out of the whole? For me both the dream of the beach and the experience speaking about discrimination I have experienced represent love and human dignity.

Early Morning Joy on Hearing We Won

I am proud of who I am, and how far I have come. And I dream of a future when people do not have to fight for basic rights and protections, but simply are themselves, and free to be. No matter how you feel about such things, I have and will continue to stand (or sit as needed) for your right to free speech and equal accommodations and protections under the law. I didn't ask for any special rights tonight, just for the basic equal rights I was raised to believe all humans should already be afforded in this world. I'm glad today Phoenix took this small and much needed step. And I am grateful for the healing of my beach dream, and the knowledge that there are ways for me to experience the ocean once again through disAbled activity groups. So some day soon, I will get back into the water just as today I faced and tackled some major obstacles physically and legally. May you have love, and thrive in your life wherever and whomever you are.